Tag: healing

True Love

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PostIt

Just the mere pairing of those two words and we tend to automatically jump towards thinking or romantic love. Of course, romantic love is included in this sentiment, however TRUE love covers a more colossal gamut. My attention and focus coming out of this most recent Venus Retrograde period (7/25/15 0 9/6/15) has been to search deeply into myself to become aware of the definition I attached to love, of all sorts.

Of course! I’ll give you the “cliffnotes” version and say that it definitely all comes back to a love we have for ourselves. But, I’d like to take you a bit further into my  journey which has allowed me to gain a much more long-lasting sense of contentment and a much more positive relationship with love in all its various forms and perspectives.

I am within the belief that we all have a divine love within ourselves that cannot be taken away, no heartbreak, drink, drug, experience, loss or fear, can EVER, take our divinity away from us. What can happen though, is that we can feel so lost, detached and hurt about what we’ve perceived as unfair, painful and traumatic happenings that we completely forget and lose sight of that bright shiny love that we all share at a very deep intrinsic level. A lot of times, we experience pain around “love” in a relationship with someone else of whom we’ve had expectations of and therefore associate pain and love as one in the same or even worse, the inevitable outcome.

This could be abandonment by a parent, infidelity of a spouse, “back-stabbing” by a friend, feeling under-appreciated by a family member or several other MILLION scenarios that basically stem from the same place, perceived abandonment regarding a particular expectation we had on someone other than ourselves. There’s that little word again… expectation. Oh expectation, how do you annoy me? Let me count the ways… Nah, I don’t have time to focus on that, but, it’s a lot!!!

I have found that truly getting in touch with myself and the wounds I have perceived surrounding love of all types and working to heal and release, has allowed me to broaden my view on what love really means. It’s boundless. It’s without expectation. It’s unconditional. It’s expansive. It’s marvelous. It’s everywhere.

I have a post it note on my desk that says “My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance and in inverse proportion to my expectations” . This translates into allowing other people we are in relationships with the space to be authentically true to themselves. WHATEVER that means. It’s a difficult charge for most of us to love someone fully and robustly without expecting certain things in return. It requires honesty.  It requires that we let old ideas go about what someone needs to prove to us. It requires that we  let our egos go. It requires that we become strong in our vulnerability. It requires that we first heal ourselves. It requires that we first love ourselves.

True Love and the way it shows up in our relationship with others has a direct correlation on how we love ourselves. Are we good enough to us? Do we seek perfection knowing it’s impossible? Do we accept ourselves and all our flaws? Do we give to others before we give to ourselves in an unhealthy way? Do we give to ourselves before others selfishly? Let’s take an honest inventory of our own hearts and how we TRULY love or need to learn to love ourselves so that we can offer ourselves true love and in turn everyone to whom we come into contact. Let’s find balance, truth, honor, respect and introspect. Once we find those things and the divine nature in ourselves, it’s SO much easier to find it in others.

With So Much Love,

Simply Megan

Hot Yoga and My Life

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Sooooo, hot yoga became a pretty consistent staple for me in my health routines about 5-6 years ago. Keeping in mind I use the word “consistent” very loosely. I practiced vigorously and then fell off and my cycles seem to wax and wane depending on my current life situations. I happened to have two beautiful little babies within the past 3 years so there are at least 20 months in there where hot yoga was a no-no due to my “with child” condition.

I find that any yoga, but especially hot yoga, is a microcosm of our entire lives, right there, in 90 minutes on the mat, dripping with sweat, “monkey mind” attempting to make us quit the whole time and telling us that there is no way in hell we’ll ever get through this. But you know what? I’ve always come out alive… every. single. time. Not only have I come out alive, but I’ve come out more aware of the power my mind has to control responses to uncomfortable sensations. Even more important than that, I’ve become aware of my breath.

We take breathing for granted in our day-to-day goings on’s… we breathe fast when we are anxious or exited, we hold our breath when we’re on edge, we even slow our breathing down when we are crying and attempt regain our composure. When you’re standing in a room that ranges between 95-105 degrees and being instructed to get into poses that stretch, compress and strengthen every single organ…well, let’s just say that it can be intense. I find that the actual physical movement isn’t as intense as the barrage of thoughts that come rushing to my mind. Anyone who knows me knows how deep I study and gain insight from astrology. I definitely believe that my moon in Gemini kicks into over drive and begins to berate me. She tells me things like “OMG, you are going to DIEEEE, do you hear me? Death is near!!!” and “Noooo, I cant believe this broad is asking me to do this! Is she freaking retarded, no way, no way in HELL am I going to be able to hold this pose for one more SECOND!!!”

Gaining an awareness on how I respond to a perceived “stressful” situation on my mat in hot yoga has allowed me to more honestly observe and become aware of how I respond to perceived stress in day to day life. Just like I’ve learned to talk myself down and calm my breath on the mat, I’ve applied this to my life. I bring my breath into awareness and it seems to help aid in whatever “crisis” I may find myself facing at that particular time.

I am so grateful and honored to live near an amazing studio in Raleigh, NC called Open Door Raleigh run by Monica Shannon. She is charismatic, informative, hilarious, compassionate and just a damn good hot yoga instructor! She is very authentic, which lightens the mood and makes jokes about whether we’d prefer the air to come out of our butts or to breathe it out through the moving meditation of yoga. (By the way, the answer is definitely our butt!! Easier and less time and focus)

This is one of the methods I use to ensure that I am balanced and detoxed. Although in this post I am solely focusing on the personal, emotion and mental side of hot yoga, there are physiological and physical benefits that are out of this world!!! My skin, blood pressure, strength and flexibility literally improve after just one session and when I’m truly as consistent as I’d like to be (3 times per week) man! I feel like i can take over the world! I have more energy, am in better moods and really have more overall focus and clarity in my mind. My intention is to integrate and prioritze this amazing self-loving act.

Hot Yoga Rocks!!

With So Much Love,

Simply Megan

You Come First

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Life is busy. We have several responsibilities, obligations and tasks that need to be completed on a daily basis to ensure that our lives run smoothly. My day is action packed from morning until night. With two babies that are 2 and 1, I am going (seemingly non-stop) from the time I wake up (or am woken up) until the time I start winding down for the evening to rest. Most everyone, whether you have children or not, has other people depending on them. Whether it’s your family, friends, or colleagues, we all affect the lives of other people immensely based on how we show up in our own lives. There is a direct correlation to the quality and dependability which we can offer others and the time we take to nurture and care for ourselves.

Like the old cliché adage says “You can’t give to someone else what you don’t have to give”. I love metaphors and I would take this a step further to illustrate with these examples: How can a poor person advise you on how to get rich? How can an unorganized person help you organize? How can an unfit person help you get fit? Seeing a trend here? Those make perfect sense and I doubt could be argued, however we tend to not apply the same principle to the unseen intangible things. These range from peace, love, honor, satisfaction, reliability, commitment, consistency, contentment and so much more. These are internal factors that we need to maintain and work to achieve so that we can offer them to the folks who need us the most.

We tend to have the perception that we must put everyone else’s needs and priorities above our own, which is true when we are dealing with babies or children who are not self-sufficient. However, even then, we must take the time to make sure we are healthy, both inside and out to ensure we can offer presence that has quality, not just quantity. If I’m with my babies, but I’m on my phone not interacting with them, or engaged in other things besides them, what am I really offering them? If I’m tired and cranky and emotionally unbalanced, what does my interaction look like with my family, friends or colleagues? Am I showing up at 100% or am I just there filling space? Let’s progress to not just show up, but to show up with authentic, genuine, quality of presence that offers those that are exposed to us the best possible result.

I have implemented several ways in which I take time out of my schedule to honor and love myself so that I can stay at my best capacity in an effort to show up for the people who depend on and matter most to me. Exercising, meditating, eating healthy, making financial decisions that prioritize what’s really important in my life and getting adequate time to relax are among my top tools. Let’s all find what helps us be the best version of ourselves so that we can positively impact all whom we come into contact with.

With So Much Love,

Simply Megan

STFU

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stfu

Or “Saint Foo” as I affectionately refer to this euphemism. It’s necessary, healthy and absolutely downright critical if we are to maintain our inner peace and joy. I can’t count how many conversations I overhear in passing during my daily routines that are centered around someone else. What they did, said, are going to do etc. Perhaps as we think over our conversation’s with our lovers, best friends, co-workers, family or even our children we may find that a big portion of our topics revolve around other people.

We’re discussing their relationships, their parenting skills, their choices, their life..just THEM in general. I have found that this creates unnecessary drama and distraction away from the very things that should be our MAIN priority. Ourselves and our life. Period! A lot of times we talk to entertain ourselves and others with the content. Talking is a sacred tool that should be honored and respected (after all, everyone is not blessed with this gift). It should be used as a true form of communication and by communication I mean effective expression of solving issues and/or filtering love through the universe.

I am a proponent of the theory that love and fear are the only two real base emotions. When we find or feel the need to negatively speak about others and sometimes even our own selves, I believe it’s rooted in an insecurity/fear. I believe we can always be striving to improve our own personal situations and keeping that in mind, how do we really have any time to do anything else? While you’re discussing someone else’s business, you could be improving your own. I have observed that people who tend to constantly focus on other people’s shortcomings are typically extremely unhappy and unfulfilled in their own lives.

We all need a vent session every once in a while, however “how you do something.. is how you do everything” – (T Harv Ekar). If it’s once in a while, it’s a fluke, if it’s constant, it’s who you are. Don’t be that person. Don’t be hypocritical and salty. It’s really not a good look. Keeping in mind that we are all sponges , let’s wring that nasty stuff out and start fresh.

With So Much Love,

Simply Megan

Squeeze Me! (Sponge- Like Chick Part Duex)

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Soooo, just like we have to be aware and mindful of what we are absorbing, we also need to be aware of what’s already siting in the crevices of our lives that is no longer serving us. Sometimes, sponges need to be wrung out and purged of dirty, stale, old water. The initial thought that pops into my mind is: relationship. I want to clarify that when I mention relationship in this article I am referring to ANY type. Familiar, friend, associate, romantic, long distance, previous, current, whatever!

Personal experience has shown me that sometimes the most lengthy connections..you know the ones that provide “security, nostalgia and familiarity” are the very ones that need to be squeezed out of our lives to make room for new fresh, healthy and more supportive ways of being. Often times, we remain connected to toxic, unhealthy or “safe” dynamics out of a sense of obligated loyalty. “This person was there for me  when…x,y,z”. I am in no way discounting having the awareness to salvage or not totally cut off relationships that are at their core, worth maintaining. Certain relationships have no choice but to be maintained at some level, either because the person is literally related to you, or you share a child/children. This however, doesn’t meant the level of engagement needs to remain high. Squeezing ourselves and finding new spaces in our crevices is essential to growth and progress. This doesn’t mean that the sponge is completely absolved of its previous relationship, just that it has begun the initial release and over time, the connection will serve as a distant memory that assisted to achieve its current state. The standard of measure I like to use is one of reciprocity and emotional intelligence. These two questions can be asked. “Does my current relationship with this person(s) fill me with a sense of joy, purpose and well-being?” and “Do we share a reciprocal exchange of energy or am I being drained consistently during our interactions?” This requires a certain level of honesty with our own self and a self-awareness of how we operate in regards to another person.

Sometimes the crevices are filled not with relationship, but with habits, thoughts or behaviors. I quit smoking cigarettes almost 4 years ago and I used the same measure referenced above. The answer was “No! This does not bring me joy, purpose or help my overall well-being” The other answer was “No, we do not share a reciprocal exchange, cigarettes drain the crap out of me!!” There was a time where I felt that the answers may have been different to those questions, but as we grow and mature, the answers often change, and must be re-evaluated. Just like a sponge, we need it to be filled with soap while we scrub plates and forks, but once that purpose has been served, we want to rinse and squeeze that sponge out and fill it with fresh water so the old dirty soap can be released. I challenge you to squeeze yourself today. First take a look at your relationships, habits, behaviors, thoughts and activities and then measure them up to the questions. Be compassionate and caring with yourself. Sometimes we know that something isn’t healthy for us and we just aren’t ready to squeeze it out, and that’s alright. Understand that knowing is half the battle and as you seek transformation, turning “knowing” into “doing” is critical if we want an overall different result.

With so much love.

Simply Megan

Who Me?!

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I do not allow my children to discuss what someone else did “to them” or that “made them” respond in a certain way. I also, refrain from blaming or focusing on anyone but myself regarding situations that may have been a catalyst for undue stress or upset. Once we focus on another person aside from ourselves, we distance ourselves from a solution. It may feel really great at the outset, however it does nothing to alleviate the underlying issue that manifested the upset in the first place!

I won’t get all spiritual and “I attract everything I experience” on you. (Although it’s true, I swear it’s true yall!) But, I will say that I am of the firm belief that it takes two to tango. When we find ourselves in situations that leave us feeling hurt, resentful, angry, frustrated or sad, it is critical to examine our role in that situation. Sometimes it’s as simple as the fact that we didn’t respect ourselves enough NOT to be in that dynamic in the first place. Other times, it’s that we were actually being irresponsible and then suffered the inevitable consequences of that irresponsibility. And then, sometimes, we actually are being victimized and do NOT deserve the treatment, response or provocation that we’ve experienced. Either way, no matter what the scenario, we must look to our own responses to whatever upsetting situation faces us.

This requires honesty and self-awareness. A lot of times we cannot find our role or contribution. There are those cases when we are simply experiencing something to become stronger as a person and have more stamina to overcome adversity. That is also a role. Let’s look at the way in which the way we take responsibility for ourselves versus expecting someone else to be mindful of our well-being.

For me personally, I know that my expectations tend to be a source of unhappiness or discontent. Expecting things of people or situations that have already proven to be unstable isn’t wise. I love the quote  “My Happiness Grows in Direct Proportion To My Acceptance and In Inverse Proportion to my Expectation” – Michael J Fox. Acceptance is one of those easier said than done things, but with practice and mindful observance, it is very possible. Once we accept people and situations for who they are and focus on what we can control (OURSELVES!) life becomes infinitely more amazing!

With so much love.

Simply Megan