Tag: self-esteem

Therapeutic Check Mate

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I would like to clarify that although my blog is intended to be peaceful, loving and centered, it may not follow the standard “kumbaya” vibe that I observe a lot of conscious folks often times portray. Life is not all meditation, reflection, observation and revelation. Not by a long shot. There are times in life where we must communicate clearly our boundaries and expectations regarding what we will and will not allow into our lives. This may translate into the way someone is speaking or behaving that directly affects us. True, we do not have control over anyone but ourselves and our reactions to external circumstance, we DO have control over communicating what we simply will and won’t accept regarding staying in our “sponge” (see my Squeeze Me post where I further discuss being a Sponge-Like Chick post)

We must be very mindful of what our sponge is exposed to and absorbs. Many times the actions of other people in our lives whom we must interact with on a daily or even weekly/monthly basis undoubtedly will test our resolve as to how much we protect the environment in which we dwell. Sometimes people do not honor their commitments and/or obligations which in turn has a direct effect on our lives. These circumstances are where the Therapeutic Check Mate comes into play. “Therapeutic Checking” is a term used by my late brother Michael, and it refers to effectively communicating how your personal boundaries may have been compromised in one regard or another. This is not to be confused with tearing someone a new one because we “don’t like” what they did. I’m talking about true, mindful and calm communication of what you will and will not tolerate into your space and the implications of such. Many times, the person on the receiving end of the “Therapeutic Checking” is in dire need of someone to be mindful of them as they may not be in a space where they are mindful of themselves. Withholding the “Therapeutic Checking” may actually result in continued or enhanced inappropriate behavior/speaking and does not serve ourselves nor the recipient well.

Again, I want to emphasize that in no way am I condoning or justifying “cursing people out” or “going off”. Those two things usually have a wild anger behind them and are really masking our Gift – Wrapped Bullshit. No, it’s not alright to recklessly abandon the feelings and responses of others, even when we perceive they may have done that very thing to us. It is alright, and often times needed though, to express in a mature fashion,  and with a solution driven approach that what they are currently engaging in will not be tolerated.

It’s called Therapeutic Checking because it truly is therapy. It allows for us to set boundaries while it provides the recipient with the opportunity for honest self – evaluation and quite possibly some growth. I personally have tons of experience Therapeutically Checking folks, and I can see the difference when I come from a space or love (for myself primarily in what I allow to permeate my life) and when I come from a place of anger/frustration/fear. It does take some practice to really differentiate the source as the recipient still may not be able to tell the difference, however we need to be very clear on our intention. Let me also add that therapeutic checking doesn’t always need to be an external expression verbally. Sometimes it can just mean refraining from interaction until the person(s) have made their own decision to respect your boundaries, and truth be told, some folks just need that “time out” to better reflect and evaluate what your presence in their lives means to them.

Therapeutic Checking is a natural, healthy and needed dynamic in anyone’s life. It can makes the difference between living a life filled with anxiety, guilt, misery and resentment versus a life that is open, healing and growing.

With So Much Love,

Simply Megan

Who Are You, Really?

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This post is intended for the reader who is ready and willing to take a look at themselves to gain more insight and awareness of themselves as a whole person individually and in relation to others and the world around them.

The perception of life can get hectic, busy and sometimes even downright disappointing. I find that all of these ebbs and flows are extremely powerful and useful for propelling us to become the best versions of ourselves. Although our society as a whole seems to be more focused on “victim based” consciousness, I prefer to take more of an “ownership based” consciousness. This means that I am in control and own all the aspects of my life. All of my decisions, responses and actions have led me to exactly where I am right in this present moment.

An excellent measure of who we are lies in observing the people who are around us most. We tend to congregate with individuals who reflect back to us our values, esteem and priorities. If we are engaged or intertwined with people and situations who we do not particularly “like” or “agree” with, we need to then turn that around and look at what about these people/situations is the honest reflection of who we are. It’s not always a 1 for 1 dynamic either. So, if I have a person in my life who is selfish and likes to take more than give, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we are selfish and take more than we give. It could very well mean that we are “over-givers” and attach some sort of self-worth to the concept of giving more than we receive because deep down we don’t feel “worth” being reciprocated.

These are not always comfortable or easy revelations to come to terms with. We have a tendency to blame others for the way they treat us, when in fact we should be examining what is hidden in our subconscious belief system that accepts this type of treatment.

Times are calling for a more honest approach to dynamics we find ourselves in. We may even find old relationships and friendships that we previously deemed “dead-end” coming back into our lives. I believe these relation-ships serve as an excellent mirror to see what and where we really are inside versus what we attempt to project externally. Let’s go deep and dig out the parts of ourselves that no longer serve our highest self. Acting from a place of love must start with loving ones self. Self-love is the basis of any healthy relationship with anyone else. If we are feeling less than loved when we come into contact with any individual, this is a perfect opportunity to really look to see what about the interaction is less than desired, and what about ourselves continues to radiate the polarity of said interaction.

With so much love.

Simply Megan

Who Me?!

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I do not allow my children to discuss what someone else did “to them” or that “made them” respond in a certain way. I also, refrain from blaming or focusing on anyone but myself regarding situations that may have been a catalyst for undue stress or upset. Once we focus on another person aside from ourselves, we distance ourselves from a solution. It may feel really great at the outset, however it does nothing to alleviate the underlying issue that manifested the upset in the first place!

I won’t get all spiritual and “I attract everything I experience” on you. (Although it’s true, I swear it’s true yall!) But, I will say that I am of the firm belief that it takes two to tango. When we find ourselves in situations that leave us feeling hurt, resentful, angry, frustrated or sad, it is critical to examine our role in that situation. Sometimes it’s as simple as the fact that we didn’t respect ourselves enough NOT to be in that dynamic in the first place. Other times, it’s that we were actually being irresponsible and then suffered the inevitable consequences of that irresponsibility. And then, sometimes, we actually are being victimized and do NOT deserve the treatment, response or provocation that we’ve experienced. Either way, no matter what the scenario, we must look to our own responses to whatever upsetting situation faces us.

This requires honesty and self-awareness. A lot of times we cannot find our role or contribution. There are those cases when we are simply experiencing something to become stronger as a person and have more stamina to overcome adversity. That is also a role. Let’s look at the way in which the way we take responsibility for ourselves versus expecting someone else to be mindful of our well-being.

For me personally, I know that my expectations tend to be a source of unhappiness or discontent. Expecting things of people or situations that have already proven to be unstable isn’t wise. I love the quote  “My Happiness Grows in Direct Proportion To My Acceptance and In Inverse Proportion to my Expectation” – Michael J Fox. Acceptance is one of those easier said than done things, but with practice and mindful observance, it is very possible. Once we accept people and situations for who they are and focus on what we can control (OURSELVES!) life becomes infinitely more amazing!

With so much love.

Simply Megan