I was changing yoga positions in a Hot Fusion 90 class while visiting one of my best friends out in the Midwest during Holiday in November 2015. I had a strong notion to cut all my hair off. Now I will be the first to admit that the massive almost 7 pound weave twists I had installed about two weeks prior were irritating the zhit out of me. They were big and bulky in order to cover up the locs I had begun about 7 months prior to that point.
I had been viciously moving the double-scarf wrapped pile atop my head around all morning. As I attempted to pull my head up to a proper position in reverse warrior , the synthetic bundle I affectionately named “Dolly” felt like it weighed twenty pounds, I had enough. It was my breaking point.
Immediately my internal dialogue began. “But you already started locs, you’ll be a quitter”, “What if you don’t look cute with short hair” , “It’s winter, it’s cold outside”. Being that I am a very diplomatic person, I had responses for each of these ego-based questions. It didn’t matter if I looked cute, It doesn’t matter if other people view me as a quitter, I have many scarves and hats for chilly weather!!!
The most resounding call to me was that the energy that was in and currently was being “locked” into my head was an energy I wanted and desperately needed to release and let go of. The past several years have been challenging for me as I’ve been transparent about in my open letter to everyone . Anyone who knows me knows that when I make an executive decision, I move on. There is no second guessing it. If there is a regret (which there rarely is) I am willing to pay the cost and stand behind my decision and examine my regret in retrospect.
The peace I felt with the decision I made before the hair actually came off my head was amazing. It began to open up all types of Buddhist revelations about the metaphors for this decision and where I am in my life. I will share the recap now:
- I am completely comfortable with making my own decisions and living with my own consequences.
- I would rather live with consequences based on decisions I make about my own view of myself versus others views of me.
- I have the right to change my mind about any decision I’ve previously made at my whim. Life changes, so do decisions.
- Purging is an AMAZING tool! It should not just be limited to physical things external.
- My hair does not define me or the value I offer to the world.
- If there is anyone in my life that is attracted to me for shallow reasons (such as hair), I’d like to eradicate them by default anyway.
- My peace and happiness is more important that holding up an appearance for anyone else.
- Somtimes when zhit becomes to painful or heavy, we’ve got to cut it off, for our (and our scalps) own good!
With So Much Love,