Tag: love

STFU

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stfu

Or “Saint Foo” as I affectionately refer to this euphemism. It’s necessary, healthy and absolutely downright critical if we are to maintain our inner peace and joy. I can’t count how many conversations I overhear in passing during my daily routines that are centered around someone else. What they did, said, are going to do etc. Perhaps as we think over our conversation’s with our lovers, best friends, co-workers, family or even our children we may find that a big portion of our topics revolve around other people.

We’re discussing their relationships, their parenting skills, their choices, their life..just THEM in general. I have found that this creates unnecessary drama and distraction away from the very things that should be our MAIN priority. Ourselves and our life. Period! A lot of times we talk to entertain ourselves and others with the content. Talking is a sacred tool that should be honored and respected (after all, everyone is not blessed with this gift). It should be used as a true form of communication and by communication I mean effective expression of solving issues and/or filtering love through the universe.

I am a proponent of the theory that love and fear are the only two real base emotions. When we find or feel the need to negatively speak about others and sometimes even our own selves, I believe it’s rooted in an insecurity/fear. I believe we can always be striving to improve our own personal situations and keeping that in mind, how do we really have any time to do anything else? While you’re discussing someone else’s business, you could be improving your own. I have observed that people who tend to constantly focus on other people’s shortcomings are typically extremely unhappy and unfulfilled in their own lives.

We all need a vent session every once in a while, however “how you do something.. is how you do everything” – (T Harv Ekar). If it’s once in a while, it’s a fluke, if it’s constant, it’s who you are. Don’t be that person. Don’t be hypocritical and salty. It’s really not a good look. Keeping in mind that we are all sponges , let’s wring that nasty stuff out and start fresh.

With So Much Love,

Simply Megan

Therapeutic Check Mate

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I would like to clarify that although my blog is intended to be peaceful, loving and centered, it may not follow the standard “kumbaya” vibe that I observe a lot of conscious folks often times portray. Life is not all meditation, reflection, observation and revelation. Not by a long shot. There are times in life where we must communicate clearly our boundaries and expectations regarding what we will and will not allow into our lives. This may translate into the way someone is speaking or behaving that directly affects us. True, we do not have control over anyone but ourselves and our reactions to external circumstance, we DO have control over communicating what we simply will and won’t accept regarding staying in our “sponge” (see my Squeeze Me post where I further discuss being a Sponge-Like Chick post)

We must be very mindful of what our sponge is exposed to and absorbs. Many times the actions of other people in our lives whom we must interact with on a daily or even weekly/monthly basis undoubtedly will test our resolve as to how much we protect the environment in which we dwell. Sometimes people do not honor their commitments and/or obligations which in turn has a direct effect on our lives. These circumstances are where the Therapeutic Check Mate comes into play. “Therapeutic Checking” is a term used by my late brother Michael, and it refers to effectively communicating how your personal boundaries may have been compromised in one regard or another. This is not to be confused with tearing someone a new one because we “don’t like” what they did. I’m talking about true, mindful and calm communication of what you will and will not tolerate into your space and the implications of such. Many times, the person on the receiving end of the “Therapeutic Checking” is in dire need of someone to be mindful of them as they may not be in a space where they are mindful of themselves. Withholding the “Therapeutic Checking” may actually result in continued or enhanced inappropriate behavior/speaking and does not serve ourselves nor the recipient well.

Again, I want to emphasize that in no way am I condoning or justifying “cursing people out” or “going off”. Those two things usually have a wild anger behind them and are really masking our Gift – Wrapped Bullshit. No, it’s not alright to recklessly abandon the feelings and responses of others, even when we perceive they may have done that very thing to us. It is alright, and often times needed though, to express in a mature fashion,  and with a solution driven approach that what they are currently engaging in will not be tolerated.

It’s called Therapeutic Checking because it truly is therapy. It allows for us to set boundaries while it provides the recipient with the opportunity for honest self – evaluation and quite possibly some growth. I personally have tons of experience Therapeutically Checking folks, and I can see the difference when I come from a space or love (for myself primarily in what I allow to permeate my life) and when I come from a place of anger/frustration/fear. It does take some practice to really differentiate the source as the recipient still may not be able to tell the difference, however we need to be very clear on our intention. Let me also add that therapeutic checking doesn’t always need to be an external expression verbally. Sometimes it can just mean refraining from interaction until the person(s) have made their own decision to respect your boundaries, and truth be told, some folks just need that “time out” to better reflect and evaluate what your presence in their lives means to them.

Therapeutic Checking is a natural, healthy and needed dynamic in anyone’s life. It can makes the difference between living a life filled with anxiety, guilt, misery and resentment versus a life that is open, healing and growing.

With So Much Love,

Simply Megan

Who Are You, Really?

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This post is intended for the reader who is ready and willing to take a look at themselves to gain more insight and awareness of themselves as a whole person individually and in relation to others and the world around them.

The perception of life can get hectic, busy and sometimes even downright disappointing. I find that all of these ebbs and flows are extremely powerful and useful for propelling us to become the best versions of ourselves. Although our society as a whole seems to be more focused on “victim based” consciousness, I prefer to take more of an “ownership based” consciousness. This means that I am in control and own all the aspects of my life. All of my decisions, responses and actions have led me to exactly where I am right in this present moment.

An excellent measure of who we are lies in observing the people who are around us most. We tend to congregate with individuals who reflect back to us our values, esteem and priorities. If we are engaged or intertwined with people and situations who we do not particularly “like” or “agree” with, we need to then turn that around and look at what about these people/situations is the honest reflection of who we are. It’s not always a 1 for 1 dynamic either. So, if I have a person in my life who is selfish and likes to take more than give, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we are selfish and take more than we give. It could very well mean that we are “over-givers” and attach some sort of self-worth to the concept of giving more than we receive because deep down we don’t feel “worth” being reciprocated.

These are not always comfortable or easy revelations to come to terms with. We have a tendency to blame others for the way they treat us, when in fact we should be examining what is hidden in our subconscious belief system that accepts this type of treatment.

Times are calling for a more honest approach to dynamics we find ourselves in. We may even find old relationships and friendships that we previously deemed “dead-end” coming back into our lives. I believe these relation-ships serve as an excellent mirror to see what and where we really are inside versus what we attempt to project externally. Let’s go deep and dig out the parts of ourselves that no longer serve our highest self. Acting from a place of love must start with loving ones self. Self-love is the basis of any healthy relationship with anyone else. If we are feeling less than loved when we come into contact with any individual, this is a perfect opportunity to really look to see what about the interaction is less than desired, and what about ourselves continues to radiate the polarity of said interaction.

With so much love.

Simply Megan

Squeeze Me! (Sponge- Like Chick Part Duex)

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Soooo, just like we have to be aware and mindful of what we are absorbing, we also need to be aware of what’s already siting in the crevices of our lives that is no longer serving us. Sometimes, sponges need to be wrung out and purged of dirty, stale, old water. The initial thought that pops into my mind is: relationship. I want to clarify that when I mention relationship in this article I am referring to ANY type. Familiar, friend, associate, romantic, long distance, previous, current, whatever!

Personal experience has shown me that sometimes the most lengthy connections..you know the ones that provide “security, nostalgia and familiarity” are the very ones that need to be squeezed out of our lives to make room for new fresh, healthy and more supportive ways of being. Often times, we remain connected to toxic, unhealthy or “safe” dynamics out of a sense of obligated loyalty. “This person was there for me  when…x,y,z”. I am in no way discounting having the awareness to salvage or not totally cut off relationships that are at their core, worth maintaining. Certain relationships have no choice but to be maintained at some level, either because the person is literally related to you, or you share a child/children. This however, doesn’t meant the level of engagement needs to remain high. Squeezing ourselves and finding new spaces in our crevices is essential to growth and progress. This doesn’t mean that the sponge is completely absolved of its previous relationship, just that it has begun the initial release and over time, the connection will serve as a distant memory that assisted to achieve its current state. The standard of measure I like to use is one of reciprocity and emotional intelligence. These two questions can be asked. “Does my current relationship with this person(s) fill me with a sense of joy, purpose and well-being?” and “Do we share a reciprocal exchange of energy or am I being drained consistently during our interactions?” This requires a certain level of honesty with our own self and a self-awareness of how we operate in regards to another person.

Sometimes the crevices are filled not with relationship, but with habits, thoughts or behaviors. I quit smoking cigarettes almost 4 years ago and I used the same measure referenced above. The answer was “No! This does not bring me joy, purpose or help my overall well-being” The other answer was “No, we do not share a reciprocal exchange, cigarettes drain the crap out of me!!” There was a time where I felt that the answers may have been different to those questions, but as we grow and mature, the answers often change, and must be re-evaluated. Just like a sponge, we need it to be filled with soap while we scrub plates and forks, but once that purpose has been served, we want to rinse and squeeze that sponge out and fill it with fresh water so the old dirty soap can be released. I challenge you to squeeze yourself today. First take a look at your relationships, habits, behaviors, thoughts and activities and then measure them up to the questions. Be compassionate and caring with yourself. Sometimes we know that something isn’t healthy for us and we just aren’t ready to squeeze it out, and that’s alright. Understand that knowing is half the battle and as you seek transformation, turning “knowing” into “doing” is critical if we want an overall different result.

With so much love.

Simply Megan

Who Me?!

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I do not allow my children to discuss what someone else did “to them” or that “made them” respond in a certain way. I also, refrain from blaming or focusing on anyone but myself regarding situations that may have been a catalyst for undue stress or upset. Once we focus on another person aside from ourselves, we distance ourselves from a solution. It may feel really great at the outset, however it does nothing to alleviate the underlying issue that manifested the upset in the first place!

I won’t get all spiritual and “I attract everything I experience” on you. (Although it’s true, I swear it’s true yall!) But, I will say that I am of the firm belief that it takes two to tango. When we find ourselves in situations that leave us feeling hurt, resentful, angry, frustrated or sad, it is critical to examine our role in that situation. Sometimes it’s as simple as the fact that we didn’t respect ourselves enough NOT to be in that dynamic in the first place. Other times, it’s that we were actually being irresponsible and then suffered the inevitable consequences of that irresponsibility. And then, sometimes, we actually are being victimized and do NOT deserve the treatment, response or provocation that we’ve experienced. Either way, no matter what the scenario, we must look to our own responses to whatever upsetting situation faces us.

This requires honesty and self-awareness. A lot of times we cannot find our role or contribution. There are those cases when we are simply experiencing something to become stronger as a person and have more stamina to overcome adversity. That is also a role. Let’s look at the way in which the way we take responsibility for ourselves versus expecting someone else to be mindful of our well-being.

For me personally, I know that my expectations tend to be a source of unhappiness or discontent. Expecting things of people or situations that have already proven to be unstable isn’t wise. I love the quote  “My Happiness Grows in Direct Proportion To My Acceptance and In Inverse Proportion to my Expectation” – Michael J Fox. Acceptance is one of those easier said than done things, but with practice and mindful observance, it is very possible. Once we accept people and situations for who they are and focus on what we can control (OURSELVES!) life becomes infinitely more amazing!

With so much love.

Simply Megan

A Stronger “Bat”

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I’ve been doing some major transforming in my life and it’s happened in the most amazing space. My mind. I realized that a lot of my mind chatter was preventing me from living and being the best version of myself that I could possibly be. Sometimes we tend to be so comfortable (not happy) with where our lives are that we neglect daring to dream something better. A lot of times, we are unaware of the way that our thoughts influence our direct beliefs, behaviors and responses to the curve balls that life throws our way. The key is that whatever the curve ball looks like, we have the best bat to knock that sucker out of the park and turn it into a home run. That bat, is our mind. Our mind is the tool behind most aspects of our lives. Our mind is the bat.

When you think of a bat, you think of a sturdy piece of wood, right? (ok maybe steel but you know what I mean!) The bat knows it’s purpose. The purpose is to hit that ball as hard and as fast as possible to turn the pitch into a celebratory event, right? The bat is not bothered or concerned with the color, mood, words, disposition or velocity of the ball. It has one purpose, to engage and strike. When we think of our minds and the way they revert to dramatic thoughts (oh my god, this is horrible! Oh no, this ALWAYS happens! Oh my gosh, they NEVER do the right thing!) This, is the beginning of perpetuating the drama that mainly exists in our head, this is not to say there is no real drama happening outside of our minds, but, we tend to create worst case scenarios before they even have a chance to unfold any other way. Guess what, when we vibrate on worse case scenario, it’s very likely that it will occur, or at the very least head in that direction.

I was going to tie it back in and say “be like the bat”, but yea, it sounds pretty corny once I see it in words. So, I will leave on this note. When we see a situation, person or drama heading our way, don’t run or avoid, don’t meet it head on with more drama, simply remain present and hit that sucker out of the park. Remember to observe your thoughts that surface and discard the ones that do not contribute to you coming to a solution as quickly as possible.

With so much love.

Simply Megan

Do it now

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Oftentimes we wait. We wait until we’re ready. We wait until the right time. We wait until we look a certain way. We wait until we don’t want to do it anymore. We wait, too long. I would consider myself to be a go-getter, but yet and still, I’ve still waited through and beyond expiration points in my own perception. But, that’s the whole rub, we don’t have to wait! It’s never too late to start living and pursuing the best version of yourself that you can possibly conceive. Whether it’s a mental, emotional, physical, financial, spiritual or psychological goal. The time is NOW. Do it now.

With so much love.

Simply Megan