This initially started out as an open letter to Joani, the beautiful soul who encourages, support, loves and lifts me up any chance she gets, mostly virtually now a days on Facebook but also in tangible ways over the years. She made a comment on a recent post I put on Facebook regarding my weight release and transformational journey over the past year. She talked about the trials, tribulations, challenges, triumphs, changes and catalysts that have affected my life for the past several many years. She brought me to tears. She brought me to a deep place of humility and gratitude and I decided that instead of just responding to her, I’d respond to everyone. All those who have played a part in my life, whether you loved me, hurt me, supported me, abandoned me, guided me, mentored me, laughed with me, cried with me, given to me, taken from me, helped me, broke my heart, double-crossed me, it doesn’t matter, you helped me to become who I am, and for that, I am so appreciative. Ultimately any of the dynamics I/we’ve experienced are a matter of perception. And perception is so critical to how we respond and grow.
Although I’m not here to go into the intricate details of my life, I am here to be open and say that these past few years have not always been comfortable or easy. They have been filled experiences of loss and pain that brought me tremendous, suffering, pain and sorrow.
I lost my amazing, beautiful, charismatic, robust, giving, sacrificial, loving older brother whom I had the immense honor or meeting and knowing for the past 8 years of my life. He was 20 years my elder and served as a best friend, father-figure, older brother and kindred soul mate whose profound effect on me, my children’s and several others lives will NEVER be overlooked or not felt.
I loved a man and created two fantastic, beautiful, gifted, amazing and brilliant children with. Although our personal relationship romantic relationship was not long-lasting, we have/are worked(ing) on coming to a mutual respect and honor for each other and the role we will now play in each others lives for the rest of this lifetime. We still love and care for each other very much in the context of being spiritual beings brought together to create greatness. The profound love we share for our children supersedes any other dynamic.
My friendship with another one of my soul mates grew and became strong and fortified as she navigated both pregnancies with me and helped aid and assist me in the birth of my youngest daughter. Her love, support, encouragement, conversation, astrological studying, energy, healing words and fresh perspective have been pivotal in becoming the person I am today.
I found out that I was to be a grandmother and my Sun would be transitioning into fatherhood at the tender age of 17. I have learned to allow space for the growth and transition through adolescence, to hold space for the inevitable learning and natural universal consequence that comes with making choices for ourselves. I have come to grow in my admiration for his resilience and ability to persevere through loss and challenges.
My respect, honor and admiration for my daughter has grown as I see how she is navigating through her adolescence while she serves as a strong support of me and her younger siblings in helping me to care for them consistently, thoroughly and in such a nurturing fashion. Her grace, strength, patience and dynamic flexibility inspires me daily.
My heart has been cracked wide open to experience an influx of emotions from love/bliss to pain/loss. I have healed wounds that I was unaware existed. I have loved in spaces and places that I thought were scarred over. I have learned that slow-paced, methodical and consistent breathing, thinking and doing are key. I have been introduced to new love(s) that have impacted my life in ways that served to catapult me into becoming the best version of my own Self.
My friends both near and far are such a brilliant and beautiful reflection of the things I embody and as my circle has/is changing, I see ascension. I see love. I see happiness. I see growth.
I have looked into the people who surround me and seen the reflection of my flaws and my strengths. I have utilized the gift of perception and focused on gratitude versus victim-consciousness. I have found and admitted my passions to myself. I have met and mingled with many new friends and energies that have served to show me the potential to which I can reach. I have let go of things, people, things, thought patterns and dynamics which no longer serve my highest purpose. I have reflected on where I’ve been and am genuinely grateful for all of these experiences. I have left behind the painful emotion and focused on the positive result and new growth and insight I’ve gained as a woman. I have accepted that I am amazing, charismatic, hilarious, giving, generous, impulsive, determined, stubborn and sometimes argumentative. I have also accepted that these things do not define me, yet they allow me inspire, create and lift others up. I have been given new reasons to persevere (versus excuses on why I can’t so anything). I have become aware that I change every single day, and that the difference between misery and bliss is one thing: perception. Gratitude is the root of all joy. Without these people and scenario’s I wouldn’t be where and who I am today, and I am sooo in love with who and where I am today. The support provided to me has been amazing. This is not just about me and my own strength, this is about the strength and resolve of the people in my circle who I’ve been exposed to, some in closer proximity than others. Thank you, I love you.
Thank you Joani. Thank you for being one of the several amazing souls in my life that supports and loves me through all of life’s changes. Thank you to everyone for the role you’ve played, are playing and will continue to play. I do not take for granted your contribution nor presence in my life, whatever that was, is or will be.
With So Much Love,