Letting Go Of Your Gift Wrapped Bullshit

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So many times in life we feel like we must hold on tightly to things that we love or that matter the most to us. In my own life, I’m always about “the principle”. I have found that the things I tend to hang onto with an iron fist are actually some pain in the ass gift wrapping to some deeper issue/bullshit. My deeper issue need(ed) to be clear to me (a lot of times painfully). I needed change my attachment to the gift wrap, in order to address the “gift” (my bs!) in order to “win” at this game of life that we’re all playing.

Control and manipulation are at the forefront for issues that most human being’s share. Of course, if we’re defensive and perhaps not quite honest with ourselves, we’d read that and say “oh no!  not me?! I don’t do that”. However, once we really and truly examine the emotional core of what and why things/people/situations have the ability to upset us, we find that it usually comes back to a place of fear. Fear is such an annoying little shit. It comes across in so many ways that it’s easily masked and disguised (that coward!!). Fear has police killing innocent black children, women and men. Fear has us in stressful dynamics with people we once or still love(d). Fear has people making decisions that are detrimental to themselves and everyone around them. Any time we find ourselves saying that we “need” or “want” something, and we don’t receive that, the converse tends to be fearing some particular outcome if we don’t in fact get what we need or want. Maybe it’s not a particular outcomes, maybe it’s just a reality that we don’t want to accept because of the meaning we have attached to it. Either way, I have been trying my hand at not being attached to outcomes. A lot of people would say “don’t expect anything and you’ll never be disappointed”. That can be a very depressing and pessimistic existence. I’d like to offer my revision of that statement. Don’t expect anything from anyone but yourself, however trust and have faith that the *insert whomever you worship or believe in here* (Universe/God/Jesus/Orishas/Buddha/Allah/Maat/Thoth) will bring you exactly what you need at exactly the right time. It may not show up as you may have imagined it, it may even come looking like a huge dilemma or painful experience. For me, the more I let go of what I think my life “should” look like or what outcome a particular situations “needs to” have, I find that I am limiting myself from the endless possibilities that the Universe provides. Love, joy, bliss, healing, forgiveness, redemption, resilience etc. will all show up when they are supposed to. Make it easy for them to appear by not allowing your antiquated perceptions paint an ugly picture on a beautiful canvas.

With So Much Love,

Simply Megan

Who Are You, Really?

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This post is intended for the reader who is ready and willing to take a look at themselves to gain more insight and awareness of themselves as a whole person individually and in relation to others and the world around them.

The perception of life can get hectic, busy and sometimes even downright disappointing. I find that all of these ebbs and flows are extremely powerful and useful for propelling us to become the best versions of ourselves. Although our society as a whole seems to be more focused on “victim based” consciousness, I prefer to take more of an “ownership based” consciousness. This means that I am in control and own all the aspects of my life. All of my decisions, responses and actions have led me to exactly where I am right in this present moment.

An excellent measure of who we are lies in observing the people who are around us most. We tend to congregate with individuals who reflect back to us our values, esteem and priorities. If we are engaged or intertwined with people and situations who we do not particularly “like” or “agree” with, we need to then turn that around and look at what about these people/situations is the honest reflection of who we are. It’s not always a 1 for 1 dynamic either. So, if I have a person in my life who is selfish and likes to take more than give, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we are selfish and take more than we give. It could very well mean that we are “over-givers” and attach some sort of self-worth to the concept of giving more than we receive because deep down we don’t feel “worth” being reciprocated.

These are not always comfortable or easy revelations to come to terms with. We have a tendency to blame others for the way they treat us, when in fact we should be examining what is hidden in our subconscious belief system that accepts this type of treatment.

Times are calling for a more honest approach to dynamics we find ourselves in. We may even find old relationships and friendships that we previously deemed “dead-end” coming back into our lives. I believe these relation-ships serve as an excellent mirror to see what and where we really are inside versus what we attempt to project externally. Let’s go deep and dig out the parts of ourselves that no longer serve our highest self. Acting from a place of love must start with loving ones self. Self-love is the basis of any healthy relationship with anyone else. If we are feeling less than loved when we come into contact with any individual, this is a perfect opportunity to really look to see what about the interaction is less than desired, and what about ourselves continues to radiate the polarity of said interaction.

With so much love.

Simply Megan

Squeeze Me! (Sponge- Like Chick Part Duex)

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Soooo, just like we have to be aware and mindful of what we are absorbing, we also need to be aware of what’s already siting in the crevices of our lives that is no longer serving us. Sometimes, sponges need to be wrung out and purged of dirty, stale, old water. The initial thought that pops into my mind is: relationship. I want to clarify that when I mention relationship in this article I am referring to ANY type. Familiar, friend, associate, romantic, long distance, previous, current, whatever!

Personal experience has shown me that sometimes the most lengthy connections..you know the ones that provide “security, nostalgia and familiarity” are the very ones that need to be squeezed out of our lives to make room for new fresh, healthy and more supportive ways of being. Often times, we remain connected to toxic, unhealthy or “safe” dynamics out of a sense of obligated loyalty. “This person was there for me  when…x,y,z”. I am in no way discounting having the awareness to salvage or not totally cut off relationships that are at their core, worth maintaining. Certain relationships have no choice but to be maintained at some level, either because the person is literally related to you, or you share a child/children. This however, doesn’t meant the level of engagement needs to remain high. Squeezing ourselves and finding new spaces in our crevices is essential to growth and progress. This doesn’t mean that the sponge is completely absolved of its previous relationship, just that it has begun the initial release and over time, the connection will serve as a distant memory that assisted to achieve its current state. The standard of measure I like to use is one of reciprocity and emotional intelligence. These two questions can be asked. “Does my current relationship with this person(s) fill me with a sense of joy, purpose and well-being?” and “Do we share a reciprocal exchange of energy or am I being drained consistently during our interactions?” This requires a certain level of honesty with our own self and a self-awareness of how we operate in regards to another person.

Sometimes the crevices are filled not with relationship, but with habits, thoughts or behaviors. I quit smoking cigarettes almost 4 years ago and I used the same measure referenced above. The answer was “No! This does not bring me joy, purpose or help my overall well-being” The other answer was “No, we do not share a reciprocal exchange, cigarettes drain the crap out of me!!” There was a time where I felt that the answers may have been different to those questions, but as we grow and mature, the answers often change, and must be re-evaluated. Just like a sponge, we need it to be filled with soap while we scrub plates and forks, but once that purpose has been served, we want to rinse and squeeze that sponge out and fill it with fresh water so the old dirty soap can be released. I challenge you to squeeze yourself today. First take a look at your relationships, habits, behaviors, thoughts and activities and then measure them up to the questions. Be compassionate and caring with yourself. Sometimes we know that something isn’t healthy for us and we just aren’t ready to squeeze it out, and that’s alright. Understand that knowing is half the battle and as you seek transformation, turning “knowing” into “doing” is critical if we want an overall different result.

With so much love.

Simply Megan

Sponge-Like Chick

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One of the big changes I’ve made lately is to really understand and be mindful of the fact that I am a sponge. Meaning, I absorb anything I am in close proximity to. Think about what happens when you put a sponge on a puddle of water. The water literally is drawn and almost forces its way into the sponge. The sponge is porous and has space for the water, and the water is eager to penetrate every crevice! That being said, I’m at a point in my life where I desire to be very thoughtful, respectful and mindful of what I absorb into myself (the sponge). I don’t want negative, dirty, drama-filled crap in any part of myself or my life. As human beings, our physical porous entry points are: eyes, ears, mouth, skin, mind. Dang! That’s like almost ALL of us, right? RIGHT!!!

Let’s break this down:

Also, let’s put the disclaimer up that I want things in my life to uplift me and give me positive feelings/emotions.

Eyes – I choose to avoid dramatic reality shows, soap opera like television series, viral “fight” videos, videos/movies/shows about children (or anyone for that matter) being hurt. I do not have cable for this reason (plus it’s not worth almost a hundred bucks a month, I’d rather be investing in another passive income venture!)  and closely monitor what shows are watched in my home.

Ears – I choose not to engage people, shows, scenarios that assault my sensibilities. I don’t want to hear people complaining about what other people “did to them”. I don’t want to gossip about who’s screwing who or why he/she is “so stupid” for doing this or that. I don’t want to hear music that talks about crack, disrespecting women/men, and/or killing people.

Mouth – I eat to live, not live to eat! Food is a fuel to keep our body (the engine) well oiled and running efficiently. What would happen if we dumped sugar, ice cream, biscuits and gravy into our car? Would it run well? Probably not. Same principle and theory for our cars. We know that gas is the best fuel, we also intuitively know what our bodies need. And if we don’t, we all know how to use Google. I will also be posting more on nutrition later.

Skin – Being the biggest organ we have, it’s very important to put healthy and nourishing things on our skin. I personally choose not to put anything on my skin that I cannot pronounce or would not eat. I know I know, I’m something like a hippie, but that’s just me! Coconut Oil and Shea Butter are two of my favorite natural ingredients that really handle pretty much all of my hygiene needs. I’ll also be posting more on that also.

Mind – This is a tricky one because it’s not as physical as the others and we may not have the full awareness yet of what thoughts are actually on repeat and play without any conscious input. Also, the mind is permeated internally. Meditation and NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and other tools have proven very useful for me. I tend to be a very active, multi-tasking chick, and my mind goes in several directions at once. These tools have been terrific at reigning my thoughts in and focusing on productive content that propels me towards progress versus self-sabotage. Trust me, I’ll be talking A LOT more on this topic too!

So, let’s view ourselves in terms of what we absorb. Let’s love ourselves and absorb only things that nourish and fill us up in good ways, not further adding toxicity to our lives.

With so much love.

Simply Megan

Who Me?!

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I do not allow my children to discuss what someone else did “to them” or that “made them” respond in a certain way. I also, refrain from blaming or focusing on anyone but myself regarding situations that may have been a catalyst for undue stress or upset. Once we focus on another person aside from ourselves, we distance ourselves from a solution. It may feel really great at the outset, however it does nothing to alleviate the underlying issue that manifested the upset in the first place!

I won’t get all spiritual and “I attract everything I experience” on you. (Although it’s true, I swear it’s true yall!) But, I will say that I am of the firm belief that it takes two to tango. When we find ourselves in situations that leave us feeling hurt, resentful, angry, frustrated or sad, it is critical to examine our role in that situation. Sometimes it’s as simple as the fact that we didn’t respect ourselves enough NOT to be in that dynamic in the first place. Other times, it’s that we were actually being irresponsible and then suffered the inevitable consequences of that irresponsibility. And then, sometimes, we actually are being victimized and do NOT deserve the treatment, response or provocation that we’ve experienced. Either way, no matter what the scenario, we must look to our own responses to whatever upsetting situation faces us.

This requires honesty and self-awareness. A lot of times we cannot find our role or contribution. There are those cases when we are simply experiencing something to become stronger as a person and have more stamina to overcome adversity. That is also a role. Let’s look at the way in which the way we take responsibility for ourselves versus expecting someone else to be mindful of our well-being.

For me personally, I know that my expectations tend to be a source of unhappiness or discontent. Expecting things of people or situations that have already proven to be unstable isn’t wise. I love the quote  “My Happiness Grows in Direct Proportion To My Acceptance and In Inverse Proportion to my Expectation” – Michael J Fox. Acceptance is one of those easier said than done things, but with practice and mindful observance, it is very possible. Once we accept people and situations for who they are and focus on what we can control (OURSELVES!) life becomes infinitely more amazing!

With so much love.

Simply Megan

A Stronger “Bat”

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I’ve been doing some major transforming in my life and it’s happened in the most amazing space. My mind. I realized that a lot of my mind chatter was preventing me from living and being the best version of myself that I could possibly be. Sometimes we tend to be so comfortable (not happy) with where our lives are that we neglect daring to dream something better. A lot of times, we are unaware of the way that our thoughts influence our direct beliefs, behaviors and responses to the curve balls that life throws our way. The key is that whatever the curve ball looks like, we have the best bat to knock that sucker out of the park and turn it into a home run. That bat, is our mind. Our mind is the tool behind most aspects of our lives. Our mind is the bat.

When you think of a bat, you think of a sturdy piece of wood, right? (ok maybe steel but you know what I mean!) The bat knows it’s purpose. The purpose is to hit that ball as hard and as fast as possible to turn the pitch into a celebratory event, right? The bat is not bothered or concerned with the color, mood, words, disposition or velocity of the ball. It has one purpose, to engage and strike. When we think of our minds and the way they revert to dramatic thoughts (oh my god, this is horrible! Oh no, this ALWAYS happens! Oh my gosh, they NEVER do the right thing!) This, is the beginning of perpetuating the drama that mainly exists in our head, this is not to say there is no real drama happening outside of our minds, but, we tend to create worst case scenarios before they even have a chance to unfold any other way. Guess what, when we vibrate on worse case scenario, it’s very likely that it will occur, or at the very least head in that direction.

I was going to tie it back in and say “be like the bat”, but yea, it sounds pretty corny once I see it in words. So, I will leave on this note. When we see a situation, person or drama heading our way, don’t run or avoid, don’t meet it head on with more drama, simply remain present and hit that sucker out of the park. Remember to observe your thoughts that surface and discard the ones that do not contribute to you coming to a solution as quickly as possible.

With so much love.

Simply Megan

Do it now

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Oftentimes we wait. We wait until we’re ready. We wait until the right time. We wait until we look a certain way. We wait until we don’t want to do it anymore. We wait, too long. I would consider myself to be a go-getter, but yet and still, I’ve still waited through and beyond expiration points in my own perception. But, that’s the whole rub, we don’t have to wait! It’s never too late to start living and pursuing the best version of yourself that you can possibly conceive. Whether it’s a mental, emotional, physical, financial, spiritual or psychological goal. The time is NOW. Do it now.

With so much love.

Simply Megan